Its a big day here at the Elevation offices…
Ryan Hollingsworth – Engaged
Meredith Brock – Pregnant
How awesome is that?
I don’t even have anything sarcastic to say today.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: hug, man love, production, public speaking
There are times when I’m not terribly good at public speaking…
Most people with the same problem might stutter, say uhmm a lot, forget words, or maybe they even faint or throw up. Not me, I don’t really do any of those things… I just repeat “Man Love” over and over again.
For those of you who were at the Elevation Production Meeting last week, you know what I’m talking about. I was doing great, everything was going smooth (other than Keith not being there when I called on him for recognition, thanks buddy). I said what I needed I threw a “Man Love” out there for humor, it seemed to work (The first time). Next thing you know every word out of my mouth was either “Man” or “Love.” That’s at least how it felt when I look back at the three awkward and additional times I said it.
But hey, I’m a teddy bear, I can’t help it that I’m delightful to hug.
Ok, So I’ve been lazy…
I haven’t written a post in a week.
But I have a good reason. I have decided to take the next step in ChaChaing. I’ve sat at the table long enough, its time to clean the dishes. (I had a much better illustration involving… milk, but Judy said it would be inappropriate.) I have spent my free time this last week studying and taking tests in order to count myself amongst the ranks of the ChaCha guides. (The people that answer your questions.)
It was a grueling process… It took me anywhere from 60 to 120 minutes. I know, its like boot camp, but you know I think its worth it for the betterment of society. Besides, I’ve heard that you can earn up to like $5 an hour if you do it full time. A guy could retire off of that.
It’s too bad that I love my job at Elevation so much, I guess I’ll never know the wild and crazy rich life of a ChaCha guide. At the very least I could make a solid $12 if I work it on my free time.
And don’t worry my few but dedicated readers, I will not let it interfere with my regular… uhmm well irregular blogging. As a matter of fact, I am going to log on to ChaCha right now and answer a question while simultaneously blogging.
There, didn’t even notice did you?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: air, cellphone, cha cha, phone, sea level, text, think, thinking
Google has been terribly convenient for me. I no longer have to bother with that mettlesome thinking that I’ve done in the past. Learning? Memorization? Ha! Why both, I’ll simply Google the answer to any question, hey I might even come across an answer I wrote at one time. It doesn’t matter that I don’t remember writing it… If it was any good, I’ll find it while googling (for those of you tipping the age scale, or who have been asleep for 5 years, yes, that’s a verb.)
But wait, there’s a problem, what do I do when I don’t have access to that honeysuckle of a technology known as the Internet? Many in my position have moved to smart phones with mobile access… But I don’t like most of them and I’m too cheap to pay for a data plan let alone an iPhone. What is a person to do? ChaCha. Text 242-242 any question you possibly have and the fine masses at ChaCha will do their best to answer your question within a minute or two for free. Too cheap to send a text? Call 1-800-2-CHACHA. Still to cheap, well, I’m sorry Mr. Caveman, but we live in this society where technology assists us in ways that rocks just never could. How did you even find this post? Did someone carve it onto a stone tablet for you?
The most pointless question I’ve asked: Why do wet farts stink so much worse?
I’ll let you find out the answer for yourself.
The most useful question I’ve asked: Well I haven’t really come up with anything useful to ask…
ChaCha, What’s a really useful question that I could ask you?
……………………………………………………………………..
“You could ask me how much a cubic yard of air weighs at sea level?
“Approximately 0.0807 lbs”
……………………………………………………………………..
That was decent, but I’ll probably still have to do my own independent thinking… For now.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Brusters, cheap, coupon, date, driving, game, quality time, stop light, stop sign
I invented a new game yesterday.
I am constantly in pursuit of cheap ways of entertaining my wife while spending “quality time” with her. So tonight I took her to get ice cream (even cheaper with a coupon). And then began inventing a driving game that I now call Aimless. The goal of Aimless is simply to get home. But there are contingent rules that make it difficult to accomplish that.
The first rule, you have to head away from home.
When you come to a red light you must turn right.
If the light is green, you have to drive straight.
If you approach a light with a green arrow (any direction) you must turn left as soon as it is available.
Then it started getting complicated, Judy accused me of making up rules… Of course I was, isn’t that the point?
When you come to a stop sign, if it is a male singer on the radio (or ipod) you must turn left, a female singer, right and if its a commercial or an announcer you have to go straight. If one of the options (left, right or straight) are not available, improvise (i.e. a male announcer when there is no straight available means turn left.)
This took care of most, but then you would never end up on back and side roads. So, if you are following behind a car and it turns onto a side road (not including stop lights/signs) you are required to make the same turn.
There you have it give it a try, you’ll end up exploring all sorts of new areas. We for instance got totally lost (10 at night probably wasn’t the best time to invent this game). But we also finally discovered the strange and wonderful town of Fairview.
Before long I began to learn how to play the game well, slowing down or speading up before coming to a light, the same when coming to a stop sign (hopeing to get a different song).
Brusters Ice Cream: $3.75 (with coupon)
Gasoline: $9.45
Awesome date night for under $15 while under the guise of spending incredible quality time motivating your wife to let you play Call of Duty 4 while she adoringly watches and marvels and your incredible inginuity (I made up the last 2 parts): Priceless
By the way… I rock at Aimless, it’s probably in my nature.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: caffeine, coffee, diet coke, Double Shot, espresso, family guy, Starbucks
I’ve never gotten into the whole energy drink fad. I’m a strictly Diet Coke caffeine guy. My only run-in with energy drinks was last year when I filled Ken Perruquet’s truck with hundreds of them them for his birthday.
Anyway, there I was at Walmart getting some items for this Sunday when I saw it… Starbucks Double Shot (Espresso & Cream). I was pretty worn out and I had small group that night so I figured I would give it a try. Almost ever night at my small group I am dragging and barely able to keep my eyes open, so what could it hurt? I popped it open and drained it on one gulp. The effects were nearly INSTANT.
I WAS WIRED. BUZZED. ZONKED. ABBA ZABA’d. THE REST OF THE NIGHT I FELT LIKE I WAS HIGH (NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW). I WAS ON TOP OF MY GAME AS WE COVERED TAKING “BABY-STEP” IN OUR LIVES. SOME (JUDY) MIGHT HAVE DESCRIBED ME AS OBNOXIOUS… KINDA LIKE ALL CAPS TEXT, BUT I PREFER TO BE DESCRIBED AS IMPACTFUL. THIS IS THE BEST I CAN TEXTUALLY DO TO DEMONSTRATE HOW I ACTED THAT NIGHT.
The problem now, I’m exhausted most nights and I’m addicted to the energy that Starbucks gave me. And as time goes on I’ll just need more drinks and more caffeine to achieve the same.
Now I gotta baby-step my way off Double Shot. The change in my life, by the way: Weaning myself off Family Guy. So dirty, but so funny.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Charleston, fuel truck, hicks, insurance, Oleander, tea, trip, vacation, Weiner Mobile
Judy and I went to Charleston the other day. You know it’s going to be an interesting trip when, on your way, you see: 1. The Weiner Mobile. 2. An overturned fuel truck. And 3. Two hicks with their shirts off (hicks not chicks, keep your pants on) on the side of the road beating on their car’s engine.
It was a great trip and a much needed one. Judy and I haven’t gone on a real (not grocery shopping) trip since our honeymoon, 5 3/4 years ago. Judy won’t let me say 6 until its actually 6… apparently it would “ruin” it.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun. But when I took her on a carriage ride, we stopped next to an oleander tree and I swear, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her grabbing a bunch of leaves and shoving them in her pocket. I guess no more tea for me… Ever.
I’m sure the heart attack two days later was a complete coincidence.
Little does she know, the only life insurance policy I have is the $10 one that came free with a tank of gas.
And, NO, don’t e-mail me about the great life insurance policies you or your company offer.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: animal magnetism, bird, geese, goose, Lowes, road rage
Twice, in this last week I had two very close encounters with birds.
The first: As I was driving home a couple of days ago a noticed some geese crossing the road. They were on the opposite side of the street, but were making their way over to my side; so I decided to slow down for them. My fellow driver coming from the other direction chose not to slow down, apparently assuming that they would get out of his way. He was correct. The second goose fluttered about and did a 180 safely back onto the side of the road. The first goose, however, freaked out and flew directly into the side of my truck smashing the mirror into several pieces as his head nearly landed in my lap. The goose was fine. My temper was not. I rarely to never get road rage… but I’m pretty sure I would have done something stupid to the other driver had he stuck around to witness the effects of his cause.
The second: I was making my way through Lowes (hardware not grocery) looking for backstage rope-lights. I heard a squawking noise and then I witnessed a little birdie about to Kamikaze me. It smacked into my shoulder and landed on the ground off to the side. I fluttered a bit, but eventually made it way back into the air.
So what’s the point? I don’t have one. I just thought you should know: I have animal magnetism.
